Fall Season, Sick kids, school & Moving

I have been off the computer a lot because between packing, sick kids on here watching movies, and getting some sleep. I have loathed the idea of moving and the fact if I don't get help it will be me alone moving boxes and furniture down the steep and otherwise dangerous traps of death I call stairs.  I have been in the haze of 6 am wake ups and cleaning up after three very healthy ( minus the cold and tummy flu) kids. Honestly I love this time of year, to me it is a kind of death of the year.. I mean are we really 94 days away from New Years?  I think of it as if it started crappy it might as well end with a bang.. Mine is going to end with brown boxes and new neighbors!!! I am honestly scared to death about moving again. What kind of neighborhood will I live in and what will it be like at night? Will I be able to sip coffee in the mornings and listen to the endless chirping of birds and look at snow out my window? 

Kalli is doing so well in school so far and they have an attitude scale ( or "behavior scale") where they can give them a 5 for being good or a 0 where you will get to meet the lady they call the principal.  I have had my ups and downs with it all including the bus incident and the issues with her sitting down in the bus.. I think I would rather take her to school and watch her go into the room. She has gotten so far in spelling and honestly I think I love her teacher!! I hope that they will approve my transfer for her and we wont have to change schools.

The boys are trying to help me pack... well i guess pack and unpack... Kason has had his usual two steps ahead and two steps back health issues with foods and allergens..  It has been a roller coster ride with him the last few months but with him geting the hang of asking, I think we will be just fine.. I have kept all the allergens out and brought in tons of safe foods since his office visit.. Kaleb is Kaleb... He throws fits and then becomes cuddly and then the world is fine again... He has grown so much and can say over 50 words.. My favorite is " you Baby!!"

Well time for me to go , Coffee is getting cold!!

Kason : Looking back at the last 4 years (7.17.09- 7.17.13)

I am sitting here and looking back over baby pictures and the 4 years that I have been blessed with my sweet boy!! I remember the day that I took the test for him and it came positive..  I was scared out of my mind on how I was going to love another child. I was very happy despite a few people in my life telling me I was messing up ( I was 20 at the time) . My hubs ( at the time fiance) and I where going through a rough time during the time so the pregnancy was already going rough because of the emotions...  I fought through weeks of bleeding, being admitted into the hospital and the constant pang of contractions managed to make it to 36 weeks.. Our son was born right before the shift change and all was wonderful... Breastfeeding was hard and I was not able to nurse on one breast.. I was left again alone with a newborn while the hubs went to work out of city..  Alone I went on .. One day his face broke out in a rash and thus began the path we have been on for the past three and a half years. I have been in a constant tizzy of doctors appointments and constant stress load that would make anyone else loose their marbles.. I would wake up to bloody sheet and a screaming baby most nights.. I feel sick to my stomach just thinking of his screams.. After months of begging we finally got specialists.. But again it was creams and steroids and plenty of heartbreak when that didn't work and his face would again turn to a bloody and raw nightmare.. As we neared his first birthday it seemed to get better... then one big flare knocked him back down .. Again his skin inflamed and bleeding.. My prayer however came true when his eczema went away just enough to take his birthday pictures!! We tried to feed him cake.. and as usual he didnt eat much.. Weeks later I am holding him and rocking him.. He starts to cry and then turns blue... seizing on my lap.. I scream out for him to come back as his lips get darker and darker... I finally get him to breath... We rush him to the hospital.. I know i have told this story a million times.. each time I can feel my heart do the same thing it did when he first had the attack... his body was giving up.. my son was dying.. my heart.. my soul was sick for him.. Looking back i should have knew.. I should have taken him to a different doctor.. Maybe he would not have suffered soo much..  We get past this phase and move into a year of bliss.. Nothing and I mean nothing happens... Infections slowed down and life was normal.... I got my wish on his second birthday.. just for one day of perfect skin... I was able to hug him without him crying and kiss his sweet cheeks without the fear of infection or making him hurt...  We went through that year like nothing had happened.. UNTIL..... His third birthday brought more breakouts and Hives , confused we entered through another phase of complete Hell... It wasn't until this year ( 2013) that what was happening and what had been happening came to light... We finally got him tested for food allergies... and have a new battle since he was diagnosed.. Lots of happy moments clouded by sadness.. hard work and sleepless nights...


Although not everything was Bad... there is moments ( and pictures ) of good times and moments of bliss... Moments that can make the darkest ones seem like nothing.. The videos of him laughing even though his face must have hurt badly... The feeling of being alone and another mother with a child with the same condition writes you and tells you how strong you are and how strong he is and that this too shall pass..  The moments that you watch him blow out his candles , more each year and know that you are going to do everything to protect them.. I know one day ill be looking at a man instead of a little boy... Ill hold a hand bigger than my own....

Most times I wish I would have wrote a letter on the day of their birthdays and present them to them when they become parents.. But ill start now..



My dearest Kason,

My sweet boy know that I love you so very much.. As I am sitting here I think of how precious you are to me.. You know how strong you are? I am amazed by you little boy.. I am amazed by the big boy you are becoming.. I am so blessed to be your mommy!! God put you right where you belong.. Your father and I are so thankful for every precious moment we have had with you.. As you turn 4 I am going to cry a little.. Because you are not going to be little anymore.. You have left the baby stage and moved into boyhood.  You will be able to go to school next year.. and well that is really scary because it seems like not so long ago they handed me a bread loaf sized bundle with a tiny baby in it.. Now my wish for you is that you will grow big and strong.. That you love with no price and that you Know that not just me and daddy love you , but your sister and little brother as well as the Great I Am.. your heavenly Father above!!! He loves you more than you know!!! I pray that you will know his love in the darkest hours... Keep your head up and know that I am always a step behind you... Now while you nap ill watch more videos of you and feel even more blessed becuase when you wake up I know ill have a dozen more to add soon!!!

Love you with all of my heart
Mommy

Being a mom of a food allergy Child : Food Allergy Awareness Week

I had always thought nothing of my Kids eating a peanut butter cracker on the playground or carrying around a cone of ice cream at the park until my son was diagnosed with food allergies. I had always thought that people who talked about food allergies where over worried and over concerned parents not wanting to feed their kids a certain food. Now that I am a mom of a newly diagnosed child with food allergies , and it is down right scary!! I have now become even more paranoid of the places I go daily and the things I touch. I have never thought of the impact would be so hard!! At first it was relief after years of wondering what was wrong with my child, why he would break out in huge rashes and have multiple asthma attacks. I spent hours in a ER, been through two surgeries and two hospital stays. Now I have nightmares of my son eating a peanut and having to give him his Epi-Pen and the look on his face from the last attack he had ( he was scared) .. I have been back and forth in my mind of all the changes I am going to have to make for him. I know it seems like having a child with food allergies ( and other health issues) would be annoying, tiring and stressful, But  I have learned it is much more than that.

1. Its waking up in the middle of the night from your baby crying because he cant breath well. As you sit there singing his favorite lullaby holding his Neb mask on his face you think of the last time you cuddled and realized it was weeks ago
2. Going to the park and watching him have freedom away from the house ( all the while you are praying there is nothing on the slide that will make him sick)
3. Going to a doctors office and making wonderful friends with the staff and them telling you are a good parent ( how can I be, my child is suffering and there is nothing i can do)
4. Having the talk over and over about what your child is allergic to until they can tell you what they are allergic to. ( its even harder with a slightly non verbal child)
5. Going to do blood draws and allowing them to have that big sucker he saw in the hospital window ( even though you dont want them to have all that sugar)

I am pleading with the parents with children that do not have food allergies to consider us. We may be the mom that yells louder at a PTA meeting, or the mom who brings the weird snacks for her child at soccer practice.  Please remember our children because what wont harm your child , can kill ours. I ask for family members not to downplay my concern and feed my child something that could harm them, I have rules for a reason. I ask for the media to pick these stories up and make it as popular as cancer stories or world news.. Our children deserve the attention and all the help we can get! It would make our nights easier , maybe we can sleep. It would make our kids relax and be able to enjoy going out to eat somewhere or go to the park and play freely.