I am going to be honest with you, I was never a celebrity writer ( has 20,000 followers) . I have always felt like I am writing to air. I am one of those invisible moms. I am that woman you pass in the store and think looks like she has more problems than a pop stars scandal. I have always looked at life like it was one big book. I think the most annoying part of it is that out of all that work, no one will likely read it. Here I mindlessly write the thoughts on my mind, hoping that one day I will have something left behind that will leave my children to be proud of. I tried in so many aspects of my life to be popular, from singing ( I'm surprised they don't run me out of church service) to art ( yea mere blobs and sketches). I was never the talented one, I am surprised I didn't knock over the entire line of ballerinas during many of my fruitless dance recitals. I fear that there is this new generation un talented who feel useless . The ones that feel like we are just there and watch as others gain a sort of fame .
My search for acceptance and being "somebody" was when I sang my little heart out for practice at school and had to miss the talent show because I had strep. It was trying to have someone pick me at school during dodge ball. It was trying to buy all the cool clothes in school and listen to the pop stars which have since disappeared or have more issues than they can count. I have had people used me as a rug and walk on me , laughed at me and done things to me that would be cruel and unusual and would be short of a law suit these days. Back then it was acceptable to throw things at a classmate, or throw water on the floor so that they would slip. I have had a person treat me like I was nothing and hurt me and take the one light that still was shining at a tender age. Those things seem so distant, maybe they should so that the scorching pain won't hurt so bad. As a mom I hope I never want my children to feel that kind of loneliness and pain. I hope they are successful and become the top of their expertise. I hope to be the mother of someone who despite had a rough start will be the biggest blessing to millions and remember where he/she came from.
I tried to keep a diary with me of all the prayers I wrote so that maybe I could let someone know how to get through these things. I wrote those prayers with tears. Years ago a woman took those from me and ripped them in front of my face and told me I would never make anything of myself. I had hope I would prove her wrong and after one failed relationship that ended me up as a teen mom, I wasn't getting far fast. I met a man and fell in love, but it wasn't for me. He was gone and never talked to me. I met another and he was just not my type.. I focused on my sweet child , and made her life my priority. Then one night another person walked into my life. My eyes started to focus a little. It's almost like being nearsighted and looking out and not being able to see clearly. I had another child and he fell ill and again I feel like my words, talents and anything I did was the right thing. So here I was thinking maybe I could write like I used to. I tried and still am.
The thing is fame isn't for everyone , some of the greatest people in the world are not discovered until they have been gone for awhile. The beauty of things are often so fast to come and go. I think Steve Jobs had it right. He kept fighting and now is the legacy of the very thing I am typing on. I think many of the pop stars and the people that gave their lives to better others where not famous. Instead they where a work of art. So rare and so unique that no one noticed them until their flame had been blown out. So here is to all the misfits out there that feel like we are nothing to this world of short fame and fortune. We are the lights that God leaves here just so they can get a glimpse of his biggest plan. I thank all those who told me I couldn't do it. I think being a mother of three says I accomplished something. I am married and have a huge and wonderful family, both here and in spirit!!
By the grace and love of God, I'll be his legacy... Forget the 20,000 followers!!!
